Defer No Time, Delays Have Dangerous Ends

My god has it really been 6 days that ive missed out on writing??? I know i just posted something but thats been sitting in my drafts for quite sometime. Anywho... updates updates updates:
Joshua did not come to the valentines day dance (praise jesus, mary and joseph!!!) neither did Samson (another praise jesus, mary and joseph!!!) and so that was all good though. But something else did happen:
It was a pretty crappy dance, not very many people and i felt VERY over-dressed but whatever. Anyway... a kid in my class Nathan (who is a TOTAL sweetie pie and just a really nice guy, he's like the only one who has manners and isnt perverted. (whoo whoo!) and i love him but not like THAT!) well he gave me a rose. A deep red rose that was all pretty and nice and he gave it to me which means that he likes me because you dont just randomly hand out roses to girls, werid!! Anywho he gave it to me kind of sheepishly, i guess he was just sort of embarrassed or nervous or something but he gave one to me and but i saw that he had another one in his hand and at first i thought that he and Ike (his bff) were handing them out to all of the girls in our class but Kelsey didn't get one and neither did Mia. So i wonder who the other one was given to... hmm....
But then once i got thirsty (keep in mind this is still at the dance) i went over to the table with the drinks (he and Ike are on dance committee so they have to man it) and Ike saw me holding the rose and he points to it and goes "Nice rose" and im just like "Thanks" and then he gives me my drink and he gives Kelsey a drink and we're just standing there sipping away about a foot from the table and Nathan comes up to stand next to Ike and then Ike leans over to him and says "She still has your flower" and he points to me. Well im in plain view of him and im not blind either so i see and im like "What?" meaning why are you pointing at me? and he just points to my flower and looks at Nathan and then i just sort of shrug and smile awkwardly. I dont know it was just SUPER weird.
But then once i got home i left the rose on my white dresser and i went to bed. I was tired and my legs hurt and i just wanted to go to sleep. Then like yesterday, NO MONDAY i checked my email and i saw one from him having the subject as "Hey". I proceed to open it. And it says "Whats up?" i respond nicely saying "oh nothing much just chilling. You?" and he says "Same. Did you have fun at the dance?" WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY TO THAT???????????? so i wrote back "Yeah it was ok. It wasn't the best but it was alright. It could have been better if there had been more people." No response yet but i'll let you guys know. But i think that the only reason he's emailing me is because he likes me and also because i email his friend Cole A LOT!! like we're in the 300's. And i dont know maybe he's jealous and he wants us to have that or whatever. I dont know!!!! Im SO confused!!!!! I mean i like him but not like that. I think he's SUPER nice and sweet and everyone thinks that too but i just dont like him in the same way that he might like me and i really hate breaking hearts and i dont think i could stand breaking his but what am i supposed to do???? Lead him on?? NO WAY JOSE!!!!!
Let me know what YOU think...

P.S - Oh and this week is winter break in my school and that means that i have thursday and friday off and all of the weekend to fill with shannanigans. But the thing is Kelsey is kidnapping me to Florida for the weekend and im going over to her house tomorrow and then thursday morning we leave bright and early so im going to be without computer access let alone BLOG access so i'll try to let you guys know how the trip went and any new updates on my life on Monday. Sorry!!
Love you all! Muh Muh!! (<-- those were smooches btw)

When You Find An Annoying Person With Paper Cuts...

You break someones heart. Thats what she did. Hailey broke Jacobs heart and she doesn't even give a shit about it. Mia told me that she did it over email or something and i just thought that was mean. She'd already been stringing him along for a while now and he really did care about her! She should at least have the decency to break up with him in person. But alas, that would only happen in an imaginary world. *sigh*
I just feel bad for Mia now. Hailey is already super flirtatious and she just doesn't understand that its irritating and its not right. She broke Jacobs heart and then Mia proceeded to tell me that he was SUPER sad and really depressed and whatnot so i dont know... I guess he's better now but who knows? He might just be trying to hide it. But i just feel bad for him because he really liked her and she doesn't even give a shit. He tries to still be friends with her but shes not having it!!!!!!!!!! She's just being rude and inconsiderate to him and i think thats just mean. If i was her, i would still try to be friends with my ex-boyfriend. Because he was her FRIEND FIRST. priorities, priorities.... tsk tsk tsk
Oh and since when does Nicky, (the cool kid thats actually a total douche bag but hey, thats just me. He was on and off with Alex Clarke for like 6 years even though hes only like 12. Still Alex gave him a status and i guess he just kissed it good-bye) hang out with Hailey, Frances, Lorato, Jacob, and all of those other people???????

If Life Gives You A Bowl Of Lemons, Go Find An Annoying Guy With Paper Cuts

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Thats all i can say right now. SHE IS SOOOOOOOO ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is Hailey we're talking about. She drives me up a freaking wall!! She's just un-describable. I have no words to explain her.
But here's the thing: As much as i want to be her friend and be nice to her (which i can honsetly say, i am TRYING to be nice to her, but its REALLY hard...) I cant be friends with someone who treats my other friends like crap, flirts around with other boys that have girlfriends while she herself has a boyfriend, and is really mis-understanding and thinking that the world and everyone in it is up against her!
Her boyfriend, Jacob, is such a sweetheart to her!! Last friday for valentines day, he got her a box of Godvia chocolates! GODIVA!!! Even though he is in 7th grade and she's in 8th, still, i think that it was sweet. But i feel bad for him because shes always flirting around with other boys and is quite suggestive about it too.
Ugh so much to say so little time....
I cant say it all now, but tomorrrow or something, ill try to tell you more.
Good-bye for now. Homework is calling me............

You Can Observe A Lot Just By Watching

I know that this sounds creepy. And no, im not a stalker or some kind of creeper or pedophile or anything like that. And no, im not involved with the law or the mob of Jehova's Witnesses or anything like that either. IM THE ONE BEING WATCHED. By who other than Joshua!! ding ding ding! You know, im sure he's not that creepy, he can just come off sa creepy because he's just so freakishly tall and he hangs his head down low, trying to look shorter. I think that he does that because everyone just see's his height, but i mean, its kinda hard to miss! He's probably 6'5 or something but all i know is that i come up to about 2 inches below his shoulders and im 5'7 personally. So you can kinda get a picture of how much of a mammoth this kid is. But ive never really talked to him...
FLASHBACK: it was like the second or third week of school (of this recent school year) and he was sitting on the long brick wall type thing for carpool (where we all are always) He was alone. He probably didn't have any friends yet but all i saw was that he was alone, basking in the sun, his black hair slightly frayed out, giving him a look like he had just run in the wind. I notice him first, squinting my eyes to avoid burnt retinas and i spot him. Im waiting for my mother to pick me up and im standing with MaryKate. I say, "Poor kid, he must be kind of out of his element. Should we go talk with him?" MaryKate agrees and the next thing you know im sitting about 6 inches away from him which MaryKate is leaning against a small waist-high lamp light thing. We make small talk: Which class are you in? What sports do you play? How do you like it here so far? (He's new) After the interrogation, our rides are here and we leave him, sitting there to recolect and think about the awkward conversation he had with some pretty off-thier-rocker girls.
And now ive noticed him looking at me. In the hallways whenever i pass by. When i come down the stairs to the commons and he's standing in the general square where the stairs, the hallway the commons and the water fountain/bathrooms/Paul's office is. I notice him. I glance at him because i know he's always looking, and i try to shrug it off. Its not like i can just walk up to him and be like "WHy ARE YOU STARING AT ME???????" and then just have him be like "Wha...???"
But here's another thing before i leave to do homework: One time it was raining outside. He plays basketball everyday on the court that is seen through the commons windows. But if its raining, they cant play outside so normally they just chill in the commons. So i can back from grabbing lunch with Kelsey, Mia, MaryKate and Carly (i think it was them...) and he's sitting in the commons back turned to me in the red chairs. His friends Johnathan and Nate are sitting on the red couch facing me and the door. As i return the sweatshirt to Chris (who gave it to me because i didn't have an umberella and i was wearing a dress) i take my lunch which Kelsey held for me while i stripped off the wet jacket, and all of the sudden Nate calls my name. I look over and he says - in front of EVERYONE in the commons, mind you - "HE LIKES YOU!!!!!" and he points to Joshua. My face goes blank, no emotion to cross it. I hate it when people do that to me. THEY ALWAYS DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALWAYS! But as im walking past the corner, i try to walk slow so that Joshua can turn around and say "Oh no thats not true, he's just kidding!" but he doesn't. All of the sudden his head just drops and im left there with a question thats still embeded in my mind right now writing this: Does that mean that he really likes me? I mean, if he didn't he would have said so when Nate yelled that out but he didn't. Is that why he watches me whenever im around?
I want answers, and i plan to get them on friday. Keep you posted...

The Shortest Distance Between New Friends Is A Smile

Lets talk about Chris tonight. He's my best guyfriend. We haven't known each other for very long - maybe about a year and a half so far - it feels like we've grown up together. He just gets it. I can just tell him anything thats on my mind and he gives me some great advice on how to deal with things or sometimes he just listens and lets me vent. He seriously is a great friend to confide in and since he doesn't seem to have many friends (which he told me he doesn't and he also said that he wasn't invited to many things) i can tell him anything and i know that the world wont know. I do feel bad for him sometimes though, he REALLY likes this girl, Emily, who, ya know, is okaay. Shes not GREAT, but i suppose shes good enough for him. Anyway, she kinda likes to flirt around with guys (one guy specifically: Ike (sorry Mia!!!)) and shes not exactly subtle about it. Anywho Chris REALLY likes her and i just feel bad because, ok heres the background story:
This friday is the valentines day dance at school. There are a fair amount of couples that will be going together but otherwise its just a plain old dance were you come and Oman is dj-ing and its just really fun. I love them. Anyway normally you would ask someone to the valentines day dance if you really liked them. Being asked to the dance is like a sign from the Universe saying THIS PERSON LIKES YOU VERY MUCH AND THEY WANT YOU TO JOIN THEM IN A NIGHT OF FRIVOLITY!
Back to Chris: He likes her and he wants to ask her. He's liked her for quite sometime now and although he knows that she'll turn him down (which she has done to not only him but to others too). Apperently someone told him that anyone who asked her, she would turn them down. Now i dont know if thats because she cant date yet or what but i mean its the dance!!! It's not like they're asking you to shave thier backs or something!!! I think that she could at least be nice to them and say no to GOING to the dance but say that she'll dance with them for snowball (the slow dancing portion of the night were Kelsey and I suddenly become pasted to the wall and very interested in our drinks...)
I think that he should just go find a new fish but hey, thats just me. I have no soul.
Well thats Chris's love life sped up to date. You'll hear more about him too, promise ;)

Vday = Dday

I hate valentines day. I dont think you understand, I HATE it!!!!!!! Its the worst day in the world. Its not even a real holiday!! But i probably would like it if i had a significant other (which i dont...sadly) and i could spend time with him and do valentines day stiff. I dont really know what you would do for your boyfriend on valentines day if you were 14 years old. Hmmm.........
Back to real-life:
Today i talked to Samson for the first time in a long time. We haven't talked in weeks. But here's the thing: We dont talk in person. Never have. Doubt we ever will. Actually, NEWS FLASH: we have talked. Over a year ago on Jekyll Island for a science feild-trip and the only reason was that he was in my group and we had to communicate for Jepordy. Oh and we also talked cuz we had the same sand and we had to figure out were it was from. Also at god-forsaken Jekyll Island. I hate that place as much as i hate valentines day.
Back to present day: We talked. Right now he's at dinner and he said he would be back, but we'll see about that. Hes notoriously known to randomly sign off. Back to how we talk. I know him. Its not like he's some dude i found on Facebook or off the web. I know him. Ive known him for some time now. We were in orchestra together for 3 years, 1 of which we actually knew each other existed. And i see him in the hallways and he was there the day it blizzard-ed. He was one of the boys i mentioned. But i used to like him. And he used to like me. I liked him for a long time and he liked me back for a long time but we never told each other. I just cant do stuff like that. The way i knew was my best friend since 4th grade Kelsey milked him. She texted him and asked him and he, being the silly boy he is, told her the truth, not knowing that i would be right there and that she would tell me. Just a couple weeks ago i was the one texting him! I pretended to be Kelsey and i asked him. What oculd i have done??? I NEEDED ANSWERS!!!!!!!!!
So i asked him. He said he liked me but he didn't know how much. He rated me from 1 to 5 (1 being hate and 5 being love)a 3. RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE!!!!! God i hate it when he does that. But now i dont know if he likes me and i dont know if i like him or if i ever DID like him.
Im confused. Im uncertain. And im caught on what to do.
So this is the inbetween, huh?

A star shone at the hour of our meeting...

Good evening. Today i woke up at 8. I have no idea why. I just woke up and couldn't sleep!! Although i did stay up to watch the opening of the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, i wasn't tired. But right now im pooped, i cleaned my room for 7 freaking hours today. Count 'em: not 1, not 2, not 3 or 4 or 5 or 6, but 7 hours of cleaning my room. And it wasn't even that messy!!!!!
Anyway, i must admit i did procrastinate some because i got bored. But it was good in a way because i was able to think of the people that are most present in my life and who i plan to blog about (in the nicest way i can muster...)
So here is everyone that your going to meet, if you keep reading onto my posts:
Violet - (me)
Kelsey
Taylor
Riley
MaryKate
Carly
Mia
Regina
Hailey

This is the group of my friends. I hang out with them a bunch and i love them all to death (except for a few...which i dont think that i love as much as others, to be honest)
But wait, it doesn't stop there!! In my last post i said that i was in a "not really a love triangle but caught inbetween them all"
The "them all" have names too, they are:
Chris
Joshua
Samson

And thats all for now, but tomorrow i think that i'll actually get into story-mode.
Night.
xoxo
V

Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough

It snowed today. Heaploads of it. It started to flurry a bit at school today, but i wasn't thinking it could become blizzardy in a matter of minutes. We had snowball fights galore, i got pegged in the face by my friend. Thanks hon. But although the burn of frozen water mixed with warm cheeks was feverishly present, i didn't think of it. I didn't care is more like it. It was just a mere reminder that i was in reality, no way out. I was taken away by the powdery consistency of the snow, that ultimate snowball making texture. But there were other things that i was distracted by. Him. Them. The 3 of them.
No its not like that. No love triangles at all. Gross. But i was sort of caught. I was held in a moment that i thought only existed in romantic comedies and twilight flavored books. It was priceless.
And as the snow came down, i looked at all three faces, wondering what could be seen. Looking for an answer as if it were just supposed to fall out of the sky like the flurries. I glanced at all of the faces, they looked back.
And as the snow fell, sticking to my eyelashes and their hoods and hats, the moment drifted away like tears in the rain.

WHO'S GOING TO DRESS GAGA???????

Alexander McQueen died today. Sad. I wonder what Gaga is going to do. I mean he DID make some AMAZING clothes just for her. Its not like she can just pick a new designer!!! He was ALEXANDER MCQUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!! There's no replacing for him. Only he could think of the things that he did.



On a less depressing note:
Project runway is tonight. I want Jesse to go home ASAP. He's just annoying.

And on yet another note:
Ive given some thought to this blog. Im going to talk about my friends in here so i figured i might need to give you and understanding of them. Let you know who/how they are. Quirks and kinks. The details. But i AM going to change their names so they dont kill me. I treasure my life for the most part, i dont want it taken from me by some angry, rabid, 14 year old monsters.

While i still ponder name replacements and get back into the drama of school (ive been sick for these past 2 days and have been chained to the couch and absolutely inseparable with the remote and bad reality TV) I will leave you with this: this is my life. No joke.

wowza

This is my first post. Ever. Well I never thought that I (of all people) would blog about my nearly 14 year old ordeals for anyone and everyone to read. I started this blog for some semi-weird reasons:

1. So that I could look back and see how crazy and phsyco my life really is/was

2. So I could try to see what it is i get caught up in and who I really am

3. Maybe someone important will read this and help me become more than I am.

But let me get something straight right now first time readers (if someone ever even reads this):

I REFUSE to wallow in my own self pity. People worry about me all the time. I'm fine. I'm happy with my life, although I could use some more self confidence. I wouldn't change anything, really.

I am who I am. A 14 year old teen. Caught in the inbetween.